Something funny happened just now that made me realize how hard I am on myself sometimes, and I wanted to share it.

I was creating an article, or hub, on a site called HubPages. I wanted to save my hub because I was getting up to walk away from my desk for a while. So I clicked the button that said, “Save Unpublished.”

Up popped a very grim warning stating that “This Hub is At Risk of Being Marked Substandard.”

Well, yeah. It’s only got subtitles in it. I’m saving it unpublished because I’m not ready to publish it. If I published it like that it would definitely be substandard.

Then I thought about how I do that to myself. I know I’m not ready for prime time in some area or other, but I judge myself as if I had to be “published” right then.

One of my goals for the next few weeks is to stop when I put up that “You Are in Danger of Being Marked Substandard” warning over my head, and relax a little about it.

Kind of like turning off the editor in my head when I write. Yeah, I don’t do that, either.

The first post was five years old, and complained about how there’s “nothing good” in the Kindle Store. Having read it and realized it was a rant, I wasn’t going to read further but I noticed that the very next post, just a few days later, contained links to many of the authors the original poster said “weren’t there.”

The same thing happened today. I bumped into the same forum thread, but with a new post, this one saying that there are no Michael Crichton books available for the Kindle. That’s the only new post I read, but I found the claim hard to believe. Actually, I found it impossible to believe, so I checked.

I stopped counting after the second page, but I counted over 20 of the books that aren’t there.

I used to know someone who would declare that a store “didn’t have” something because she couldn’t find it. She once searched on Amazon and Barnes & Noble for one of the most popular videos ever made and declared, “They don’t have it.” When I searched, somehow, miraculously, they had 2,000 used and new copies for sale at Amazon.

I do this all the time. I don’t know how to do something, or I don’t know what is possible, so I declare that it’s not possible or that it doesn’t exist or that there is no way.

It’s kind of funny when you’re declaring that Amazon doesn’t sell the movie Titanic. It’s kind of sad when you’re limiting yourself because you don’t know everything. That’s when, for me, I am the problem and I need to open myself to the possibility that I might be wrong.

The main thing my friends and I agree with is that there is too much hate mixed in with religion. One friend says, “I’m done with hate.” The other says, “I don’t understand hateful Christians.” And we all see it everywhere in the traditional organized religions. Hatred of homosexuals. Hatred of people who don’t agree with you politically. Hatred of people who aren’t Christians. Hate, hate, hate. It’s driving people away, and one of those people is me.

Another thing that came up in our conversations was Jesus. This is not how Jesus acted. This is not what Jesus wants from us. One of my friends told me that Jesus only gave two commandments, and she’s too busy with them to worry about anything else.

Those two commandments, by the way, are “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength,” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.” That’s it, people. That’s what Jesus said. Those are the two commandments we’re to live by if we are to be followers of Christ.

Jesus did not say, “Hate this group or hate that group.” Jesus did not say, “Do this and do this and do this and you’ll be a Christian and you’ll go to heaven.” Jesus did not, and I am glad he did not, say, “Don’t swear.” He didn’t say “Don’t drink.” He didn’t say any of that. He said we should love God and each other.

I’m noticing a trend here with my two friends and myself. I know three people is not a religion, but I also know that we’re following Christ and trying to live out those commandments. And I know that a lot of people are in many ways breaking from the traditions of “religion” and coming to spirituality and what Jesus was really about.

That’s where I am. That’s where some of my friends are. And I know a lot of other people feel the same way. I think the tide is changing in terms of hate and religion. I certainly hope so.

I had this blog all written in my head today while I was driving home from a trip, but it didn’t hit the page as coherently as I would have liked.

This video says it a lot better than I ever could:

I noticed one the other night that said Angelina Jolie was making unreasonable demands about her wedding to Brad Pitt, so he would cancel the wedding.

I later did a little research (okay, just now) because I thought the headline was pretty strange. Turns out, as I expected, that the whole thing was fabricated out of whole cloth by whoever created the story and its headline.

Here are those supposed demands that were so outrageous.

1. She supposedly wanted to wear a black dress.

2. She supposedly wanted to pick out her own ring (“Won’t let Brad pick the ring!”)

3. She supposedly didn’t want a pile of white flour and sugar topped with sugar (Banned wedding cake!)

Personally, though I couldn’t care less about the couple involved, I think those are pretty reasonable decisions for a bride. Why shouldn’t she wear what she wants, including a ring she’ll wear forever? And why should she have to have an unhealthy wedding cake if she doesn’t want it?

To me, the fact that someone made all this up to smear her is even more outrageous than that person says the demands are.

I mean, really? Really?

The best you can do is attack her for wanting to wear a black wedding dress and a ring she picked out, at a wedding without a cake?

That’s the best you can do?

Again. Really?

The thing I took away from this is how many people still don’t think it’s okay for a woman to make independent decisions about her own wedding. As I said to my best friend about the ring, he’s not purchasing her. He’s marrying her. Actually he’s not, but what I mean is, this is supposed to be a partnership.

I shouldn’t be surprised that in 2012, people (and by people I don’t just mean men, either) want to control how a couple designs their own wedding. It especially shouldn’t surprise me that the person most often criticized about said wedding plan is the bride.

The way I see it, taking care of my own marriage is enough to keep me busy enough, without trying to manage someone else’s. But then, maybe that’s the appeal for some people. If they’re minding everyone else’s business, they don’t have to mind their own.

I don’t know of anyone who would want to curse me, for any reason. I’m almost certain no one actually put a lock of my hair on a voodoo doll and said words over it.

But I have had interesting times.

And I am having an interesting time sorting out my life.

One thing that I’ve found incredibly difficult is just relaxing and trusting that the people, places and things that are important to me will still be there. As I said, they’ve been very interesting times.

I said people, and certainly I mean other people, but one of the people I’m talking about is myself. I’ve had a hard time just relaxing and letting the real me come back. In fact, I’m sure I’ve made it harder for my real personality to emerge because I was so worried about everything.

I also mean, I suppose, situations. Things like work, which I love to do but which was hard for me to get back to. Things like a peaceful mind, which eluded me for months. Things like friendship, which I value beyond anything except family.

Smaller things, too. Things like being able to understand the written word well enough, and hold onto that comprehension long enough, to finish a good book.

And bigger things. Things like feeling and thinking and allowing.

And things that are hard to talk about, things like screaming and crying and feeling afraid.

But the thing I’ve learned from all of this is that I do not control anything. And I do mean anything. Not even my thoughts. Not even my body, in the end. Certainly not what happens next.

I’m learning to let go. Let go control, and let go of the people and situations I love. The people will come back. The situations are probably left to sort themselves out.

No, today I want to remind everyone who is not had by a cat, why they should be. Especially if they think they don’t like cats.

1. Cats love unconditionally. If a cat thinks you’re okay, you’re always okay. Of course, the opposite applies. I once lived with a cat who hated me her entire life. She lived to be over 15 years old, so that’s a lot of hate. It’s even more hateful when you realize I adopted her as a kitten thinking she would be my cat. More on that in a moment. But the point here is, cats love who they love, and they love you if you’re cranky or your hair is standing on end or you’re too busy to stop and let them rub against your legs. There’s a myth that only a dog can love you the way a dog can, but if a cat loves you, she really loves you.

2. Cats choose you, you don’t choose them. This may seem like an odd reason to let a cat into your life, but it’s actually a really good one. Having a cat choose you as his person is a very great honor. Dogs are wonderful; I have a dog and I love him very much. But when I brought my dog home, he just accepted that we were his family, I was his mom, and that was it. Dogs’ loyalty and willingness to be absorbed into a family are very sweet. But when a cat makes a decision that this is his home and you are his family, it really means something. It’s like a real friendship, with both parties deciding. Unless, of course, you don’t buy into the relationship. That thought, of  course, is unthinkable to the cat.

3. Cats choose their moments. Sometimes cats don’t always choose the best moments, but like people, they sometimes want to snuggle and cuddle and purr and sometimes want to be left alone. This is an endearing if sometimes annoying characteristic in cats. I’ve never known a dog who wanted to be left alone, ever. I love that about dogs as much as I love the occasional indifference in cats.

4. Cats are low-maintenance. I mean, cats are really low-maintenance. Keep their food and water coming and their litter box clean, and cats can pretty much fend for themselves when they’re not shedding all over your shoes. This probably has something to do with the fact that cats sleep 18 hours out of 24. If they were awake a few hours longer, they’d be running the world. But asleep or awake, cats are not likely to eat the furniture. Cats don’t need to be trained and they don’t have to be taken for a walk. Indoor cats don’t even have to be let outside 27 times a day, like my dog Sirius, who I love like my own dog.

5. When a cat decides to love on you, you really get loved on. I don’t know of anything that feels as nice as having a cat sitting on me and purring. Well, maybe if the cat were also offering me a chocolate bar that would be nicer, but in general, after a long day, when I climb in bed and my cat starts her nighttime routine of walking up and down on me and then settling down on top of me or beside me to sleep, that purr is just the thing I need to put me to sleep.

I could go on, especially about how funny and cute and soft cats are, but I’ll save that for another time. I think mine is looking for me.

With all due respect to Ms. Richardson, sometimes it is.

I have spent most of my adult over 20 years, playing big. I have set huge goals. I have accomplished many of them. I have written over a dozen books. I have run businesses. I have appeared on the radio. I have written several million words, many of which have been published in some form or other.

About nine months ago, I suffered the first throes of an ailment that would last six months, destroy the life I used to know, take away much of my memory, and create one of the two worst experiences I have had in my life.

In many ways this illness was a blessing, though it certainly didn’t feel like it during the six months it lasted or the first weeks of my recovery. When I can’t remember a part of my life or a piece of who I used to be, it doesn’t seem like a blessing now.

But I received a very specific gift from this period of suffering. I learned that sometimes it is okay to play small.

Right now I don’t worry about writing millions of words, maybe ever again. Today, Monday through Friday, my goal is 5,337 words for the freelance site I write for. Most days, this takes between four and five hours. Until yesterday, I have had no other writing on my plate. Now I’m starting my blog back up and I’ll be running a Facebook page. Other than that, I do normal human stuff like eat and sleep. I more time with my family than ever before. I read Shakespeare, and other things as I find them interesting. I listen to a lot of music and I hang out on the couch a lot.

And I contend that right now, the world is served by my playing small. Right now this is what I need, and it’s what the people who love me need for me. In a few weeks or months or years I’m sure my ambition will come hurtling back, and I’ll rejoin the game.

For now, the best thing for everyone is if I stay on the bench for a while.

Maybe not just playing small. Maybe not playing at all.

As a business owner, marketer and author, I’m in a for-profit business. I have certain financial goals I must meet, to take care of my family. And I have certain financial goals I want to meet, to allow me to live the life I want to live.

As a person who was raised in a very religious family, without a lot of money when I was growing up, I have conflicts about pursuing profit.

And I want to talk about those conflicts because I think a lot of people have them. It doesn’t matter if you were raised in a religious home or a home where God was never mentioned. It doesn’t matter if you lived on food stamps or in a nice home with plenty and more to go around.

The thing is that we all sometimes feel bad for wanting money.

But while this is natural, I don’t think it’s either helpful or useful, and I don’t think it benefits the world for us to worry about whether it’s “okay” to make and enjoy money.

I have a couple of favorite sayings about this that I want to share, and then talk about what they mean to me.

The first one, and I don’t know who said this, is “If only bad people are allowed to have money, then only bad people will have money.”

To me, this goes to the heart of the belief that we’re not good people if we pursue money or if we want to have the things that money can provide for us. If good people can’t have money, then all the money will be in the hands of bad people, and do we really want that?

Don’t we have a responsibility to be good people with money so that we can do the things we want to do not only for ourselves and our family, but for the world? Isn’t that part of what money is for?

This train of thought leads right into the second thing I want to talk about, which is from Marianne Williamson: “The world is not served by your playing small.”

Almost everyone I know wants to do something big, something world-changing. The size of those big things varies from person to person, but it’s always something in the nature of giving and sharing and providing something that the world needs.

I guess I happen to not know any of the bad people (with or without money) because I don’t know anyone who says, “I want to have money so I can spend it all on myself and never do anything for anyone. What have they ever done for me?”

And what Williamson says is true. The world is NOT served by your thinking small. You cannot do anything for anyone if your world is constrained by your budget.

I know you’re probably thinking of a third saying, “Money can’t buy happiness.”

I’m not going to argue with that, but I want to look at what money CAN buy, and why “can’t buy happiness” is not entirely true.

Money can buy freedom from a horrible job.

Money can buy time with people you love.

Money can buy health care, which sometimes can mean the difference between life and death.

Money can buy food.

Money can buy housing.

Money can buy clothing.

Money can buy transportation.

Money can buy education.

Money can buy security.

Money can buy enjoyment.

Money can buy entertainment.

Money can buy the opportunity to do fulfilling work.

Money can buy opportunity.

What it comes down to is this:

You have to decide to be happy. But money can buy the components that allow you to make that decision more easily. Money can create the conditions for happiness.

Can you be happy living in a two-room shack with barely enough to eat?

I’ve heard people say they have.

But it seems to me that if you’re not having to worry about keeping the cracks in the walls covered up, and find food you can afford to eat, you have more OPPORTUNITY to be happy.

It seems to me that money makes choosing happiness a lot easier.

I know for sure that if my child was sick and I couldn’t afford to take her to the doctor, my level of happiness and fulfillment would go down significantly.

No, it’s not about the money.

Money is a resource.

It’s about having enough resources, of the right kind, to live the life you want to live, and be the person you want to be, and do the things you want to do.

And that’s why it’s important to pursue money.

Because you have way too much to give, to be sitting in a two-room shack instead of sharing what you know and who you are with the world.

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this. How do you integrate your dreams and your desire to earn money with the ideas and fears you may have absorbed about money as you were growing up?

I was having a great day today. Things were going well. Then I had to deal with an unreasonably unhappy customer for a graphic design job. He made false claims about what I promised, misstated how much of his time I “wasted,” and was generally a jerk. The main thing is, none of what he said was true. He asked for something I don’t do. I tried, I couldn’t do it, and I tried to resolve it amicably but he decided he’d show his butt.

Fine with me.

Sure, I wasn’t happy. I don’t like being called a liar or yelled at.

And the fact is, just a few weeks ago I would have gotten so angry and so upset that this would have ruined my entire day. Just one guy.

But the fact is, earlier today one guy, just one guy, whom I have a lot more respect for, told me how great I am and offered to help me in any way he could.

Maybe this second guy was right that I shouldn’t have taken on a job I couldn’t do—and if he’d told me what he wanted up front, I wouldn’t have. I accept that I have some responsibility for this not going well.

I also accept that I am responsible for how the rest of my day goes, and I don’t want to spend it worrying about a trilobite.

A friend of mine in college used to say, “Don’t let the trilobites get you down.” Trilobites, according to my friend, are microscopic prehistoric creatures.

The point is that this is nothing. This guy is a flea. So I don’t get paid for an hour and a half of work. Worse things have happened. In fact, continuing to work with him would be far worse than wasting my time; it would be soul-crushing.

The thing is that people are people. People take out their frustrations on you.

Things don’t go the way you want them to.

Traffic backs up and the guy beside you pulls up and cuts you off.

Someone calls you a liar or a bad name.

Or life intervenes in other ways.

You get a ticket.

Your car dies.

Someone runs over your mailbox (this happened to us this week).

The question is not, what happened?

The question is, what are you going to do about it?

Here are five things you need to do to keep from “letting the trilobites get you down.”

1.       Practice staying calm. I used to be (and sometimes still am) very easily irritated. A few weeks ago I started practicing not letting things get to me. Instead of fussing or complaining, I just try to focus on something else. This has really allowed me to be more stable and more able to handle the things that come my way. I’m more centered and balanced.

2.       Collect good things. We tend to dwell on the bad things that happen and give them a lot more attention than the great things. That’s a lot more attention than the annoyances in life deserve. Start writing down each day the awesome or even just good things that happen. You don’t have to keep an elaborate journal. Just jot a few words in Notepad or something. But do this. And when you feel down or beat up on, read your list of good things that have happened lately.

3.       Don’t brood. After I started this article, I had to leave it for a while to run a couple of errands, and I started thinking about what happened with my unhappy customer. Trust me. Thinking was the last thing I should have been doing. Because the thoughts went like this: “I should have said this, and then I should have said that.” “I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.” “This is all my fault and it’s terrible.” I quickly got a hold of myself and started thinking, “This is no big deal and it’s over. I said and did what I thought was right and I’m going to go back to work for my good clients and do a great job.” It’s easy to brood, but it’s just as easy to repeat positive statements as negative ones.

4.       Avoid trilobites. I have very few bad clients, because I am very clear about who I am. I allow my personality to shine through. I’m honest when asked if I can do something. I seek out good clients and I turn down potentially bad ones. And I don’t have trilobites in my life. I don’t spend time with anyone who doesn’t make me feel great about life and about myself. I have no time for negative people. This is a choice, and it’s one you can make. It may involve limiting your time with certain friends or family members, but you do have the right to be around people you love and who love you and who make you feel good.

5.       Decide to have a great attitude. This is probably the most important tip I can give. If you’ve decided that you are going to feel positive and have a good day (and a good life!) then no one, nothing can shake you from that for very long. Sure, you may get annoyed or hurt by a comment. You may get frustrated. But you have that positive center to come back to. And you will come back to it, because it’s who you are.

I don’t want to sound like I’m giving you an empty pep talk here. Everything I’ve said works, and I know this because I do it. Yes, I get upset. I have a pretty short fuse sometimes, and I sometimes feel hurt easily. But I don’t let those things determine how the rest of my day goes.

I’ve heard people talking about “letting someone steal your joy” or “giving someone your power” in these instances. I’m not huge on clichés, but I think both of those phrases fit exactly what I’m trying to say here.

You can decide what effect someone else’s behavior is going to have on you. You can decide how much you’re going to let an outside event affect you.

What are you going to decide?